Sal's Blog of Nothing

It’s amazing how times change.. Years ago, you never had to worry about anybody being on the phone while driving. The worst case scenario was somebody drinking and driving or driving while high. Bad, yes – but not everybody was doing it. Nowadays, you have EVERYBODY doing something that’s probably at least half as dangerous as being drunk or high – talking and/or texting on cell phones while driving.

When is this going to stop? When are YOU going to stop? AFTER you kill yourself or the family driving next to you? Maybe THEN you’ll realize just how dangerous this is. I am 110% positive you’re thinking, “well, it won’t happen to me – I’m a good driver” or “the people who get into accidents while talking on the phone or texting just aren’t paying close enough attention”. Right… Tell that to yourself while you’re six feet under or to the person you just killed and their family because you were better and more capable than everyone else.

I drive around and I literally see ALMOST EVERYBODY on the phone. It’s truly amazing.. The fact is – MAYBE you’re a pretty darn good driver while texting and/or chatting on a non-hands-free device. Maybe you are! But you’re DEFINITELY not driving as safely as you are when you’re paying 100% attention to the road. And the sad fact is – the “other guy” (or girl) driving next to you is PROBABLY on the phone! So now you have a freeway full of half-drunk drivers. What are the odds you’re NEVER going to be involved in a potentially fatal accident?

While you’re doing your thing – not paying full attention to your driving – you WILL NOT be able to avoid an accident situation as well as you would if you were paying full attention. So while you’re on the phone, and the next guy is on the phone, and you both swerve a little and smash into each other and dart into the opposite direction and cause a massive pileup – Ya know what? I’m just going to stop there.. When I see you in heaven, I’m going to tell you, “I told you so!”…

Wise up, asshole! We each only get ONE LIFE. And it’s very fucking fragile as it is! Who the fucking hell are you to put everyone’s life at risk around you?! Jerkoff…

P.S. It’s REAL easy to fix this situation. Get a damn bluetooth headset and use it while you’re driving. It doesn’t cost a lot of money and it could save your life and the lives of others. Isn’t that worth the price of about $50? So here it is flat out.. I don’t like people who use non-hands-free devices while driving. In fact, I don’t even like people who LIKE people who drive while operating non-hands-free devices.

There are some of you out there who REALLY can’t afford to buy a bluetooth device. Okay, I understand.. So ask for one for Christmas, your Birthday or whatever.. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Make it happen. It’s for your own good…

What the hell is wrong with humans? I’m never coming back to this planet! My cruise to Alaska was great – until the last day when we were leaving.

For a fee (and a fairly nominal fee if you wait until the last minute), you can upgrade your room category. I book a room with a balcony – so I usually upgrade to a Penthouse Suite. The suite comes with a butler, concierge service and a few other goodies. One of the benefits is being escorted to and from wherever you go.

So the final day comes and everyone is lined up to leave. Lucky for us, my wife and I have purchased an upgraded plan and we can walk right off the ship before everyone else. So all the men waiting on line for an hour have estrogenic bitch fits.

As I’m walking by, one guy tells me there’s a line and that I should go back to the end of it. He wasn’t very nice about it – so I got a little nasty back. I said, “We’re extra special. We go to the front of the line”. So he mermers something to his wife about me being an asshole. I turn around and say, “Hey! You get what you pay for” – and walk away. BOY, did I want to sock him in the neck! He was even more pissed off after that. He should have just kept his big mouth shut. Big mouth, little man.

A couple of moments later, some other twerp made a nasty comment to somebody else because they got in front of him on line. There was ten to fifteen feet of room in front of him and somebody simply used the space. Whatever. If there were enough room to get around the people in front of me I’d have jumped in front of him too. I was already pissed off about the loser from a few moments ago – and I was really ready to throw hands with whoever felt the need to go.

This same shit applies at other places as well. Take Disney in Orlando, Florida for example. My wife and I often go to visit – especially around Christmas (gee, I hope nobody is offended by my use of the “C” word) and Halloween. We purchase “fast passes” so we don’t have to wait on the long lines. There’s a lot to do at these places. Who wants to sit on line for HOURS? I don’t like wasting time.

Anyway. You get the same nasty comments there! Well hello, loser! If you don’t want to wait on line, PAY FOR THE F’ing FAST PASSES! Don’t be pissed off at my wife and I because I work hard and can afford to pass you up on the line! I’m not a millionaire! Anyone can afford this stuff. Next time save for an extra week or two instead of sitting online watching my wife and I get on and off the ride twice while you’re still waiting there. Ya grumpy f#$ker!

I’m telling you, one of these days, I’m going to think about prison AFTER I deal with one of these rejects. I wonder who the lucky degenerate will be.

What is it with everyone being so fake these days? I can understand some of the fake stuff – like Botox, breast implants, steroids, etcetera – because to some extent – those things are real. They exist. If you can see it, touch it and feel it – than how fake is it? It’s there! I don’t condone any of the afforementioned things. If I take a liking to someone, I do so for who they are – imperfections and all. In fact, when I see a woman, I appreciate her imperfections. We’re only human. Nobody is perfect. I don’t expect YOU to be.

Anyway. When I’m out shopping with my wife, I see all these women’s tops and bottoms with “secret” slimming elastic or whatever the f#$k it is.

Okay, so you look great with these “secret” slimming clothes and now the guy you’re looking to bed is interested. What would you do if you were about to hit it and the guy’s hair fell off? Yeah. That’s the same as you taking your clothes off and – buhlahh – everything fuhlopps out. And men are very visual beings. Considering that, what do you think is going to happen to his errection?! That, too, will flop. And now where are you? Embarrassed, horny and sloppy since you’ve neglected to take care of yourself due to the amazing “secret” shortcut.

Instead of looking to get out of dieting or the hard work of physical fitness, start considering it. Not only are you fooling yourself with “secret” bullshit, you’re also getting lazy with your well being. Be healthy instead of fake. I’m not saying you have to be perfect. Or even close to it. Just be you. Do your best to be your best and good things will come to you. Good health, good sex and everything else. Don’t neglect your health because you can “fake” LOOKING healthy! For God’s sake how stupid is that?

Apparently your husband / boyfriend / girlfriend (whatever) accepts you the way you are. Is that not good enough? Or do you need more? Because if you need more, than “secrets” aren’t going to get you where you want to be. You might as well stuff your “B” to a “D” and see where that gets you when the guy who’s into massive silicone enhanced breasts sees the real you.