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Stop Paying For Blowjobs
Written by Sal Collaziano
Friday, 30 December 2011 10:54

Do you know what you’re doing every time you pay for a speeding ticket? Your paying for some fat, greasy, bald, hairy, smelly fuck’s blow job. Instead of getting that speeding ticket on the way to work, leave ten minutes early and don’t speed. “Oh, my FUCKING God, how can I possibly wake up ten minutes early?!” you ask! Shut the FUCK up and just do it!

Now the local precinct will say they’re SO happy you’re obeying their stupid little rule and driving nicely to work – but they’re FUCKING inFURIATED  that NOW they’re not getting their damned blow job money. YOUR town is lowering speed limits hoping they can take YOUR money and put it into THEIR pockets. Stop willingly trading what you have for their orgasmic pleasure. They want NOTHING more than to displace your hard earned money into the hands of hot little prostiTOTS.

LOOK, you jerky little ass. I don’t like driving like a blue haired great grandmother any more than you do. But I’d rather drive like I can’t see ten feet in front of me than pay for some asshole’s teenaged whore sex…

Think about it…

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Last Updated on Saturday, 31 December 2011 12:01
Security Warning to Everyone That Matters
Written by Sal Collaziano
Thursday, 24 November 2011 01:42

I’m going to make this real quick. If you get a notification of a computer system software update of any kind – like for example Flash or iTunes – check those companies websites to ensure that they themselves mention those updates being available. Reason being – and to make a long story short – ANYTHING can be placed onto your hard drive through updates that look legitimate but are not.

Do you matter? No? And when I say “matter” – do you have leadership skills or an audience for your opinion? If so, your opinion is probably unpopular with at least SOME people in power. And it’s REAL easy to shut you up when the need arises. It’s easy enough to place something illegal on your computer. And being that we’re ALWAYS at war with some country or another – no warrant or explanation is needed to seize your computer (or you) in the interests of “national security”. Once that happens – you’re screwed. Whatever illegal nonsense they put on your computer will be bad enough that nobody will even care if you “could” be innocent or not.

Good luck.

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Last Updated on Thursday, 24 November 2011 01:43
The ongoing challenge of staying in shape (for a fat guy)
Written by Sal Collaziano
Monday, 7 November 2011 09:36

If you’re reading this at Facebook, you need to click the link to view the whole thing – otherwise you’ll just see these couple of sentences. Everyone is always bewildered about where “the rest” is. This is only an except.

Over the course of nearly two years I went from being obese at 270lbs at 29.3% body fat and 37.1% lean body mass to 161lbs at 12.5% body fat and about 26% lean body mass with lots of vascularity and a good six pack. People would ask me if I was a body builder. That was pretty cool. It’s been about a year and a half since then – and between working to regain some of my lost muscle mass (a lot) and partying (drinking) due to the fact that I love being out nowadays – I’ve put back on 30 pounds – 20 of which are fat. Not so good.

I’ve tried many diets over the years and I’m always learning. I’ve learned that a low carb diet like Atkins won’t work forever unless you stick with it. You can cheat from time to time but you can’t completely go off for a few months and then think it’ll be as effective as the first time. Your body learns what you’re doing. The Atkins diet works so great the first time because you’re shocking your body and it doesn’t know what to do. It’s really great. And I may give it another shot one day. It’s been long enough that I think it can work for me again.

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Last Updated on Thursday, 10 November 2011 08:11
I’m a little crazy
Written by Sal Collaziano
Wednesday, 12 October 2011 11:41

I’m a little crazy. But aren’t we all? I’m here staring at a box of awesome veggie straws – but I won’t open the box to eat them. Let me begin with a very short story.

Years ago my girlfriend at the time bought me this amazing black Z.Cavaricci sweatshirt. I loved it so much that I only wore it once. I wouldn’t wear it (even though I really wanted to) because if I did, it would have to be washed – and then it would fade – eventually becoming a raggedy piece of shit. I couldn’t have that. Before long the home we were living in burned down – and my great sweatshirt was gone forever. What a waste…

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Last Updated on Thursday, 10 November 2011 08:16
Wah, Wah, Wah! Boo F’in Hoo!
Written by Sal Collaziano
Sunday, 25 September 2011 02:29

You stupid asshole!

Idiot: They wouldn’t seat me. Nyih, nyih, nyih. I didn’t know we needed reservations. Blah, blah, blah…

So you go and rate the place one star out of four or five – and while the rest of us are looking for reviews on the actual food or service, we have to waste our F’ING time sifting through your NONSENSE about how you never even got TO the food or service. If you don’t experience the food or service in a restaurant, DON’T RATE IT AT ALL.

You’re an IDIOT!

 

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Last Updated on Sunday, 25 September 2011 02:29
You’re Stupid. Here’s Why…
Written by Sal Collaziano
Thursday, 1 September 2011 09:42

Since either nobody has the time or intelligence to quite catch what’s going on here, let me explain it to you. If government agencies (FBI, police, etcetera) have access to literally “watch” what you’re doing online – AS you’re doing it – then what stops them from doing the same with your television, radio, phone, etcetera? What if you’re watching movies that somebody feels makes you a candidate for <insert crime here>?

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Last Updated on Thursday, 10 November 2011 08:17
Bright light in sky bewilders millions of south Florida residents
Written by Sal Collaziano
Sunday, 3 July 2011 09:17

Millions of South Florida residents woke up to a shocking unidentified bright light hovering in the sky this Sunday morning. Reactions are equally confusing as people have begun dancing in the streets as if a war lasting many years has come to an end.

Reports indicate the light is still hovering in the sky causing havoc as more and more people flood the streets in what appears to be an enchanted state of hypnotic suggestion.

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Last Updated on Thursday, 10 November 2011 08:17
Videos of the International Pole and Exotic Dance Fitness Convention 2011
Written by Sal Collaziano
Tuesday, 14 June 2011 10:36

Well! I promised crappy iPhone videos of the International Pole and Exotic Dance Fitness Convention – and here they are…

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Last Updated on Tuesday, 14 June 2011 10:38
I Broke The Law…
Written by Sal Collaziano
Monday, 23 May 2011 12:14

This weekend was interesting.. My wife’s cousins were in visiting and I went to hang out with them both Friday and Saturday night. Friday night was pretty normal.. We bar hopped around West Palm Beach before landing at Off The Hookah where we stayed a couple of hours and then went to “Frank’s” condo (basically two rooms) where we hung out in the living room – on the couches – for an hour or so. Frank is also my wife’s cousin and we hang out from time to time. His place is nothing new to me.

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Last Updated on Monday, 23 May 2011 12:14
Anti-Aircraft Guns Blast at L.A. Mystery Invader
Written by Sal Collaziano
Tuesday, 26 April 2011 12:21

“Firing, first heard at 3 a.m., ceased suddenly at 3:30 a.m., after the object disappeared south of Signal Hill, at the east edge of Long Beach. Anti-aircraft guns fired steadily for two minute periods, were silent for about 45 seconds, and continued that routine for nearly a half an hour.” This 30 minute barrage of anti-aircraft fire from the United States military could not take down the object.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:16
IMPORTANT! New, stupid email that everybody is going to fall for…
Written by Sal Collaziano
Wednesday, 13 April 2011 08:57

It’s titled, “Autograph!” – and states:

“Hello! My name Egor <last name removed>, I have been a fan of yours for years, I admire your fantastic achievement, and I have to you a request – could send me your autograph. With the best regards.” with a mailing address so you can conveniently send your “autograph” (signature) to him.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:17
Handshakes – EgoBoosters For Idiots
Written by Sal Collaziano
Sunday, 20 February 2011 12:55

You need to have a good, firm, enthusiastic handshake. That’s how you impress people and show them you’re worth something. Right? Years ago before I learned how to fool people into thinking I was somebody important with my special secret manly handshake, I’d feel a little uncomfortable when I shook hands with another guy and he extended all his fingers out as far as they could go so he could engulf my entire hand and squeeze it really hard. I knew he was the “superior” man. How could he be anything but? That handshake. It was so powerful and overwhelming! He just HAD to have a larger penis than I did.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:18
Choose Your Friends Wisely… VERY Wisely…
Written by Sal Collaziano
Thursday, 30 December 2010 06:42

Be very careful with whom you choose to keep close quarters. Choose your friends wisely. Surrounding yourself with people who are successful in their careers, in their relationships, in their lives and in love – will bring you “up” and help you to achieve success in these areas as well. Through a type of magnetism, these people will help motivate you to experience your own success. People unsuccessful in these aspects of life will bring you “down” and further away from your goals. When you dance with the Devil, the Devil doesn’t change – the Devil changes you.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:18
Fat – Keeping It Off
Written by Sal Collaziano
Wednesday, 24 November 2010 12:33

Boy oh boy.. Well, I weighed about 270 pounds at my heaviest – which wasn’t all fat – but I didn’t look good. So a couple of years ago I decided to lead a more healthy life. If you’re really curious about the details, it’s all in my blog history… So anyway.. At my most recent best, I went down to 161 pounds at about 12% of body fat. That was REALLY cool. Especially considering I didn’t look like a stick figure after losing quite a bit of muscle.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:19
Speed Limits – I Don’t Like ‘em
Written by Sal Collaziano
Thursday, 4 November 2010 11:33

Speed limits. I don’t like ‘em. F! speed limits! But really – I don’t like ‘em. Here in NoBrains (aka Palm Beach County), Florida – we have 40 mile per hour speed limits on some major four lane highways – and 5000 cops to enforce the law. That’s the speed “limit”. It’s as fast as you’re permitted, as a lowly citizen, to go. Meaning some people with 1 1/2 feet in the grave are okay to go 25 or 30. It’s dangerous down here. You have 90 year olds going 25 miles per hour and 600 pound useless police officers going 80 while multi-tasking eating a donut and browsing the web.

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 27 April 2011 03:19
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